Funny Birthdays Cards, Birthday Invitations, Party Invitations

Funny Sayings

Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. How many of them will own up to a lack of humor?
- Frank Moore Colby (The Colby Essays)

Humor is just another defense against the universe.
- Mel Brooks

When humor goes, there goes civilization.
- Erma Bombeck

Good taste and humour...are a contradiction in terms, like a chaste whore.
- Malcolm Muggeridge

What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
- Anonymous

A pun is the lowest form of humor - when you don't think of it first.
- Oscar Levant

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
- Will Rogers

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. Carl Gustav Jung

It is easier to fight for principles than to live up to them.
- Alfred Adler

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
- Brendan Gill

Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.
- Benny Hill

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercouse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.
- Mark Twain

As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take the course he will. He will be sure to repent.
- Socrates

A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
- Helen Rowland

A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.
- Don Quinn

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
- Oscar Wilde

My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.
- Lao Tsu

Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs painting.
- Billy Rose
More Funny Sayings...

A rich man's joke is always funny.
- Proverb

Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.
- Cordel Hull

Dirty/funny birthday cards are cool
- Some random dude

When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.
- Dylan Thomas

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
- Winston Churchill

Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance.
- William Shakespeare

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

There are three faithful friends—an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.
- Benjamin Franklin

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
- Oscar Wilde

I can resist everything except temptation.
- Oscar Wilde

To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I've done it a thousand times.
- Mark Twain

A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.
- Arthur Block

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
- Albert Einstein

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next.
- Franklin P. Jones

What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.
- Richard Harkness

Youth is a malady of which one becomes cured a little every day.
- Benito Mussolini

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
- Franklin P. Jones Jim Eason.: Motivational Funny Sayings If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people. Anonymous: Motivational Funny Sayings If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings including this one.

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