Decide How Much to Spend
Depending on the kind of shower you want to give, you might (1) pay for the party yourself, or (2) ask some other close friends of the bride to chip in. If you decide to share the cost, you'll need to decide how the cost will be shared. You can suggest that the party be held at your home and the cost of the food will be split. If you're uncomfortable discussing money, suggest alternatives such as everyone bring a food dish (this is known as pot luck), or that people help make decorations and come over early to help decorate. On the other hand, if the shower will be held at a place where admittance is charged (like a strip or comedy club) then it's up to you to let the guests know the price, and be sure they understand they everyone will pay their own way (unless you're treating). Basically, guests will assume that whatever takes place is on the host unless you have an understanding before hand about who's paying for what.

So in a nutshell: decide how much you're willing to spend from your own pocket, how many people you want there, how much you feel comfortable asking from others, and how you want to split the money up (is it more important to have good food or give nice presents?). The second half of Come up with a guest list (how many humans?) will provide a bit more budgetary advice, but before you attack the guest list, you should have a working figure.

Decide on the Guest List
theme), so let's assume for the purpose of this SYW that it's a female-only shower. So now you must decide (1) who to invite and (2) how many people to invite.

Who deserves an invite?
This is a party for the bride, so you'll likely be inviting some people you don't know. This might seem like a hopeless task, but breaking it down into steps makes the whole thing much more manageable.

Generate, on your own, a list of all the people you think the bride wants at the shower: bride-to-be's friends, co-workers and her or her fiancé's relatives. Run that list by two-three close friends/family members of the bride and get their input. Show that list to the bride, absent any surprise guests you plan to invite. Weddings and the activities which surround them are full of opportunities to offend people for reasons usually known only to them (although neglecting to include her future sister-in-law has it's obvious drawbacks), so avoid the frustration by getting the bride-to-be to make the final call on who's in and who's not.

A word about surprises: "surprise" showers – where the bride didn't even know she was being showered until stumbling into a darkened room of beaming friends and family – used to be very popular, but they are far less popular today. Why? It's a really bad idea. Let me repeat that, a really, really bad idea. If you're obsessed with surprises, invite a few surprise guests to the party: invite all her old lovers and see if you can get her to do a threesome with some of them. Or maybe get them to strip for her. Something like that.

Must one only invite wedding guests?
In the past it was customary to invite only those who are also going to the wedding (not all of them, of course). This was because (the one person at the shower not invited to the actual wedding would probably feel like crap surrounded by all the other future wedding-goers and who the heck wants to give the crummy bride a gift when you're not even invited to the bloody wedding?wedding shower invitations

Nowadays, it's acceptable to invite people not on the wedding list but who nonetheless wish the bride well – like coworkers -- so that they might participate in the celebration. Again, though, make sure you know the bride's preferences on inviting non-wedding guests so she's not placed in a potentially awkward situation. This is one of the many reasons that the surprise shower isn't much of a good idea.

How many actually people should you invite?
You've got yourself a list of who you'd like to invite, but how many people are you actually going to invite? Aside from the bride's preference – a seven person cozy affair versus a fifty person blowout – how much you want to spend will be very important in determining whether Aunt Martha gets to come or not. Guests cost money, because they like to eat food, drink alcohol, see pretty decorations, and be somewhere during the shower. So, you must go back to 1. Decide how much to spend and take a look at your budget. Typically, a shower has between ten and twenty or so well- wishers. Take your budget, and divide it by the number of guests on your list.wedding shower invitations

Ask yourself: will that cover food, liquor and other costs, like if you're planning on hiring some male "talent"? If it won't, then you need to invite less people or spend less money per person: cheaper food, cheaper liquor, fewer decorations, no strippers, etc. (The easiest way to drive down the cost of what you pay for food is to make the shower a pot luck, where everyone brings a dish. The downside of this is that some guests may bring food that tastes like leather. For food advice, see 6. Have the shower.) Whatever you do, make sure you have enough food and drink for everyone. Spend a little more if you have to, because the bride (and you) will feel bad if shower guests don't have enough to eat or drink.

Pick a Theme
Parties, particularly showers, are always better if they have a theme – you know, the "idea" of the party. (Alcohol is similarly helpful, but probably not if the bride-to-be is expecting.) You don't need to have one, but aside from being a lot of fun, the theme informs what decorations you will set up, activities or games that might take place, food and cocktails you might serve, and what kind of gift guests can/should buy the bride-to-be.

You need to make the guest list before you pick the theme, because some themes might be... er... "inappropriate" for certain guests. For instance, if you decide to invite her co-workers, you might decide to stay away from more sexually themed parties, or the bride-to-be might get a nasty reputation at work.

What theme you ultimately select is limited only by your imagination and sense of taste, or lack thereof. There are many books and links devoted to shower themes, and we have provided some examples in this SYW, but what you really need to know is how to come up with a theme that lets your own creativity flow. You are throwing the party, after all. To get yourself started, ask the following questions:

• Does the bride have any hobbies or interests?
• Where is her honeymoon going to be?
• What doesn't she have that she has always wanted?
• Has she dropped any hints for what kind of shower she'd like?
• If you're at a total loss, or the bride is a picayune crank who becomes infuriated
• when things aren't exactly the way she wants them, you may want to ask the bride what she wants her shower theme to be. If you want to keep the theme a surprise but are looking more input, narrow down your theme idea list to three, then consult with the bride's mother, sister, or fiancé and get their say.wedding shower invitations

Pick a Time and Place
As ridiculous as this sounds, before you can send out invitations, you need to know when and where this shower will take place. Where's the pahtee?

Your home may be the perfect spot, but that puts the onus on you to have cleaned the bathroom and washed the dishes. So know that it's perfectly acceptable to host a shower at a public place like a hotel or restaurant. Of course, depending on what theme you chose, certain locations might be far more appropriate than others, and you might want to have the shower at a strip club, a cottage, by the pool or in Mongolia. Lastly, how much you want to spend may affect where you choose to have the shower: if you want to rent out the arcade room at Chuck E. Cheese's and have a shower there, you'll have to pony up some cash. Also, the bride-to-be will kill you. Have it in your place, and all you have to pay for is food and drinks.wedding shower invitations

When is it?
Know that the shower should be three to six weeks before the wedding. This just in: you'll need to talk to the bride-to-be about her schedule and when she's available to attend her party. Finally, it's also a good idea to look at your own calendar, taking into account how much time you need to plan, clean, shop and generally stress-out. Depending on the size of the shower, it could take you a few hours to prepare or a few days. Factor this in when you're determining when the shower should be. We guarantee you'll be miserable if you don't.

Make the Invitations
How do I write an invitation? The basic elements of the wedding shower invitation are:

• What kind of shower (wedding)
• For Whom (bride-to-be or couple)
• When
• Where
• Who's hosting
• How to RSVP
• You should also include your theme (if there is one) and where the bride is registered. A registry means the bride and groom have pre-visited a store or stores and pre-picked the gifts they hope to receive. This helps the guests purchase something the couple likes or that fits in with their decor.
• Now, it's up to you to make the invitations look pretty -- just remember to include all the information we mentioned, so no invitee gets confused.

Sending the Wedding Shower Invitations out in the mail
You should plan on sending out your invitations (or inviting people by phone, although this is not nearly as cool) at least four weeks in advance. Four weeks gives guests some advance warning, allows enough time for them to RSVP and gives YOU a reasonable amount of time to get your act together. Unless you're planning an informal open house -- and that's dangerous because you might run out of food or drinks -- ask for RSVPs, and follow up with each guest you haven't heard from by phone so you know who's coming and how many people you'll have to feed.

Have the Wedding Shower Party!
There's no mystery to what happens at a wedding shower. Basically, you eat, drink and watch the bride-to-be open gifts. You don't have to do anything else, but a couple of organized activities can come in handy as ice-breakers when there's a number of people who don't know each other. It's also fun to make the bride-to-be blush and generally have some fun at her expense. Calling her "the bitch who stole my man" hasn't proved to be that much of a knee-slapper at past showers, though, so keep that to yourself. Unless you're a complete hick, you can't invite people over without feeding them and putting a drink in their hand. (And please don't neglect the alcohol. You can, but, hey, what's a party without it?) Popular food plans include: potluck (everyone brings a dish – which lowers costs for you), wine and cheese, desserts and coffee, hors d'oeuvres, or a sit down meal. A nice touch is to make the food consistent with the theme – this has made the showers we've been to much neater.wedding shower invitations

Whether you choose to prepare the food yourself or have it catered depends on your culinary skill, your pocketbook, or both. You know yourself better than we do, so, as much as it pains our officious selves, we can't tell you exactly what to do here. Or, if that doesn't sound so good, you could go the more expensive route and get food catered, which is easier on you. And perhaps on your guests.

Lastly, whatever you decide to do, remember that you're being a good friend. You're giving the bride-to-be support and showing her how much you care. You don't have to host the perfect party, nor does anyone expect you to. Whether you spend $100 or $1,000, it's your effort that the bride will remember. Keep it fun and you can't go wrong. Good luck!wedding shower invitations